Wanted a Prime Minister – Part II

May 14th, 2009 by Ravi Matah | Posted in Political   2 Comments »
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In the previous blog we had invited applications for the post of a Prime Minister in India and had also laid down the essential  requirements for the candidates. We did receive a few applications which, after being checked by the screening committee have been brought to the table of the selection committee. Let’s see what happens here.

A three member selection committee was constituted by the Chairman of the bureau. The members of this committee were  all octogenerians and had six decades of political experience. The meeting began. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, three cups of coffee (each) on three occasions and a few cold drinks later, the committee went through the bio-datas of the few applicants to decide the best contender for the post. They discussed about them  at length and this is how the discussion went on  till midnight.

Candidate A – Yes – he was a good social worker in his State, he is educated, doesn’t know much of  English and has worked as a lawyer, was also a good poet,  but cannot be considered for the post now. Why? Asked the other. Age factor, I presume. Actually he is a very very slow orator – reads a sentence from the digiprinter and then goes off to sleep.Has to be woken up to read the next sentence. This does not appropriately go well- particularly with the illiterate audience. They need ready-made solutions and quick results.

Candidate B – No, No. – This fellow as it is does not respect the present incumbent to the post – then why does he aspire to be a Prime Minister. He called our Prime Minister ‘Nikamma’. We need a person with more genuine decency  and poise.

Candidate C – Why did this fellow apply for this post? I don’t understand, you just read his program and policies – Nothing in there, absolutely nothing. All he wants to do is to construct a temple. Who will look after the various problems facing the country? “What problems?” asks the other. Oh don’t you know the main being Corruption, the LOC , the East – the West – the North and now the South also.( What South? Asks the other.’ Silent ssshhh. Don’t tell anyone , I thought you had read about  the LTTE)’. The selected candidate should think of all thiese also. We are in need of a secular person who should not talk about temple, mosque, gurdwara or a church. We are   a secular country and tend to remain so , atleast on paper.
 
Candidate D – This fellow has only done some social work in Delhi alone post 1947 era, for the refugees after partition,  but even does not  now realise  the problems faced by people of  Gurgaon or NOIDA – let alone the whole of the country. Ah yes, the same fellow – thinking about a chair in the Centre – after the bomb blast in Delhi. You know what he said ‘kursi chord do, main dekhta hoon’. (Tell them to leave the chair, I will see that no bomb blast takes place). Totally unconcerned about the loss of lives and property   in the blast but his own chair.He  doesn’t deserve an iota of consideration here.

Candidate E – No – he is totally unfit. If  you give him  this  job he will personally escort Kasab and Afzal to  the neighbouring country where they actually belong.

Candidate F – This fellow cannot handle the multidimensional affairs of the country. All he has done till date is that he has broken  the window panes of shops and restaurants, broken down the windows of taxis belonging to North Indians and the migrants from Bihar – beaten up college  boys and girls drinking coffee in restaurants – poor kids. He has never heard this  adage -” Do unto others as you wish to be done by’. And also take note – why did he call the NSG from Delhi when Taj Mahal Hotel was attacked? He should have solved the problem by employing his own pupils who are well versed in the art of destruction and speak the local language also. Let me tell you this – says one member pointing his frail finger at the other two. A Punjabi has every right to eat ‘dosa’ in Tamilnadu. And a Keralite can always have ‘lassi’ in Delhi and ‘cholla bhaturas’  in Jallandhar.. This is a secular country and not  anyone’s  papa ki property.

Candidate G – Here is an application from a lady. She has few programs for the upliftment of the poor and down trodden and that’s good, but can we trust her with the seventh wonder of the world? No No it is our prized possession and not up for sale. Sorry Ma’am.

Candidate H – Yes now we have come across a good bio data. He has a doctorate in Economics has held good positions during his career. He is soft spoken and always wears a smile. The other member – ‘ Is this worth consideration? ‘ Should we recommend this person to the Chairman?. The other two said  loudly  in unison – ‘No’. There is a major problem – he knows English and it will be difficult for our senior babus, the elite cadre, to befool him. He will always be able to do the things the way he wants and not be misguided by the IAS or the IPS. This is a major demerit and  is not good for the country and also not for our benefit? The other member asked -‘ What is our benefit  here? We are doing the country a service.

 The first one says -‘ Why are you such a fool –  have you been  eating grass for the last sixty years? ‘If we select  ONE ,  T repeat ONE , today then who will provide us free breakfast, lunch dinner ,cold drinks and such air-conditioned five star comfort tomorrow also?

So, what do we write in the committee’s proceedings?

‘NONE FOUND SUITABLE’ – was the unanimous verdict.

It was almost close to midnight when the members disbursed.

Ravi Matah

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2 Responses to “Wanted a Prime Minister – Part II”

  1. Purti Kathpalia Says:

    hehehehe….nice…cheers!!
    i am a bit shaken though!! it seems a lil more difficult than IAS interview! the assesment and grounds of judgement is crucial…
    V well written though!
    Rest il again comment on ur blog tommorow…break from work!!i havent been eatin grass for 23 yrs 😉

  2. Purti Kathpalia Says:

    and i guess m waitin for Part III where ul disclose the final selection n allocation of responsibilties…

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